Towing the line

My last post was just a little over two years ago.  I explained in great detail a crazy, harrowing, anxiety filled day.  I still think about all of the events of that day, although I had forgotten they all happened on the SAME day.

Now, here I am two years later.  I finished school one month ago.  I should be ecstatic, and I am for the most part.  But I had this goal...this "date" in my head that, on August 13th, 2016, my life would change forever.  Things would be better after 8/13/16.  Well, I got up on 8/14/16, and nothing had really changed.  It is currently September 16th and I am still waiting for my day of glory to happen.

You see, this is my biggest problem in life.  I have no patience.  I hate waiting for anything.  The fear of the unknown drives me bonkers, and causes anxiety that I can barely control.  It's hard to function at times.  I feel like I am always "waiting".  Worrying about what will or will not happen.  How are things are going to work out?  I need to come up with a solution to each and every scenario so I am completely prepared for the best and the worst.  Meanwhile, Ted is sitting next to me on the couch, cool as a cucumber.  He has no anxiety.  Sure, he worries about things from time to time.  But his concerns do not interfere with his daily life.  He has unending faith that everything will work out.  He doesn't plan for the best or the worst.  He just takes it as it comes.  I don't think he knows how blessed he is for being able to control his emotions that way.  The peace and solitude that must exist in his head have got to be heavenly.  Maybe one day I will feel that kind of peace.

Will my so called "day of glory" happen?  Yes it will.  Will everything turn out perfectly fine?  Yes it will.  Can I tow the line until that day, and still find happiness?  I want to say Yes I can.  But it isn't as easy as just saying "yes".  It is HARD!  I am so exhausted all of the time.  So, is the real secret to happiness finding happiness in your life in its current state?  Yes it is.  Can I tow the line?  Yes.  Yes I can.  I must.  I will.